Future

So I have been very busy with school lately. Apart from the colossal amount of schoolwork and projects, I went crazy and signed up for 3 extra-curriculars, not counting Drama. Lets just say it’s all very hectic for me right now.

So anyways, today in art, me and my friend Kathy were talking about our future. About what we wanted to do. Who we wanted to be. Where we wanted to go. It was all good fun, planning out the rest of our lives at the back of our sunlit art room, where we have this huge table all to ourselves. I was talking to her about a Drama school that I wanted to attend and what I was taking for my A-Levels. And she was talking to me about her animation course and the university she was going to next year. 

We're both 15. And we are so sure about what we want to do. But at the same time, we aren't. And that is what confuses me so much. There are too many things that we don't know about ourselves, too many things that are left undecided. And yet, we are all still expected to step out of our nests and grow up. Its all just happening too fast for me. 

Because, secretly, I don't want to go to University or New York. And I don't to take my A-levels. And I don't want to take film acting and photojournalism. I just want to stay in the present, and never leave. The future is foggy and hazy. Everything is so ambiguous, so unknown. Whereas in the present, I am sitting on a table overlooking my garden. When I look out, I see the bright summer's sun, sending beams of light that flicker and bounce off the roof of my neighbour's house. There are birds chirping away cheerfully. And both my dogs are outside, resting away by the shade. Their eyes are full of sleep as they lightly doze off. 

I hope you can understand why this is so hard and confusing. Right now, I live in the Philippines. Everything is warm and wonderful, which is why it is so difficult to leave. I don't know what will happen in 5 years time. Whether I'll be in University or working as an actor or homeless. I want to know, but I'll never be able to find out unless I actually live through the next five years (which is what I see now as 'the future'). And that's the scary part. 

But at the same time, I am so so excited. 

All I know is.

I'm going to make the most out of my life. 

I'm going to be an actor.

I'm going to help people to the best of my ability.

I'm going to make a positive impact.

I'm going to accomplish amazing things. 

I'm going to be happy.

Hopefully this all makes sense. Because I don't even know anymore. 

love, 

alysha

Malaysia

Hello everyone! I just came back from Malaysia earlier today. I figured I'd better post the pictures here before my lazy side gets the better of me.

   I told my brother to look annoyed and angry. He ended up looking somewhat sad instead.

Strangers.

A random street.

Amusement park ride. I quite like the vibrant colors.

Genting Highlands.

That one ride I was too afraid to try.

The view from my aunt's apartment.

The devil stare.

 My crazy little cousin. Although we don't even look related (I look nothing chinese)

The streets of Penang. Having a heated argument with my brother whilst enjoying the sunset.

 Another beautiful sunset.

My fingers.

Me dancing in a dark room.

Malaysia is where I grew up, hence making this trip quite the stroll down memory lane. For the first few days, I was plastered to the window of the car, going, "Oh, I remember that restaurant!" and "I remember when I used to pass this street everyday!" It felt good to fall back into the familiar sights and sounds of my country. It was like finally being able to fall asleep back in your own bed after a long holiday somewhere. Sometimes (mostly when I'm eating the local food), I'd wonder why I was so happy when I left 3 years ago. There were so many things I missed!

 But in my melancholy haze, full of nostalgia and childhood memories, something was wrong. Not everything was as it was. Things had changed while I was gone. Suddenly, I could no longer walk confidently in the streets anymore. I started to feel a little lost. Even when I was younger, I used to feel a bit like a tourist in my own country. Now, I felt it more than ever. I went back to my old house which I grew up in. It didn't feel like home any more. Home wasn't the cottage-like house, crumbling and breaking apart bit by bit. Old paint fading away into the walls, vines and creepers clasping onto the roof. That wasn't home. Home was the modern suburban house with a well manicured lawn, large trees, and a pool in the backyard. My old house looked a bit like a shed, it did not gleam of life like it used to. It was being neglected.

That got me upset for a bit. I realized how much things had changed. Some for the better, some for the worse. But deep down inside, I knew the change would come. There was no denying it.

The during the final days of my visit, I grew weary. I felt pretty content when I finally took the taxi back to the airport at 3am. My flight was slightly delayed, but I couldn't care less. When I finally reached home, I fell into a hot bath with a cup of hot chocolate, and my favorite book. I later decided to have a look through the pictures I took (there weren't that many), and before I knew it, I was typing out the content of this post.

So there we are.

Much love,
Alysha. 

Something about Night.

Pictures from my first film. Shot all of this at night. Got Nicole to model for me, which was amazing.

Night is weird. It is forgotten by people who live for day, and long await the stretch of darkness to be melted away by the rising sun. Seeing a soft blue, pink and orange in the sky, a sign that the blackness of nightfall has come to an end. People no longer have to hide in the comfort of their homes. They seize the day, and forget about night.

Night must be lonely.

It is weird. It is weird that something as abstract as night could provoke so many fears, so many thoughts. People fear night itself, rather than what lurks in the night. (let your imagination run)
I used to fear night. It was only during the nighttime, when fear would crawl inside my head, and submerge itself into my subconscious. I laid ever so still in my little bed, jumping at every creek and crackle our old house made. It was only when I was 12, did I realize that the monsters did not lurk in the nighttime. They lurked in our heads, and lived inside of us, rather than in our closets.

Now, night and I are friends. I sit on my roof with a journal in my hands, documenting all the adventures night and I have had. When it rains, I make a cup of hot chocolate, sit out in my porch, and listen to the rhythm of the falling rain, like it is a song. (It actually is! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gmF_bG5IVnM )

I feel the most inspired when it is night. 

New Zealand/Introduction

So I went on a school trip to New Zealand a couple months back. Even so, I remember it all like it was yesterday.

WHAT I REMEMBER:

1. I remember waking up to the monotonous rings of the hotel phone; our wake up call. Each day, a new adventure, a new escapade. I loved the thrill of traveling, getting lost, finding.
2. I remember walking down the streets in Auckland, camera in hand, trying to document everything I saw. Its quite weird, actually. Looking back at these pictures, I feel as though I am experiencing all the sights, sounds, smells again, in a far less vivid way. Like I'm dreaming or something. I feel this way about all photos, not just the ones taken by me. Its a different kind of magic, photography. I was always very enthralled by it, ever since I could remember.
3. I remember laughing with people I'd just met. 
4. I remember tearing up slightly in a cave filled with glowworms. Partly because it was freezing and I tend to tear up when I am cold, but also partly because I felt very fortunate to be in that cave. It was so so beautiful, with glowworms shining, and us being able to see our breath fog up infront of us. I plan on returning soon.
5. I remember walking around the set of Lord of The Rings, and thinking to myself, "I never want to forget this, ever,"

But what I most vividly remember,

•  I remember being happy. Not the kind of happy that goes away after awhile, but the kind of that stays with you, from the moment you wake up, till the moment you go to sleep. The real kind of happy. 

 I hope you all enjoy these photos as much as I've enjoyed taking them.


Oh, by the way, I forgot to mention, I'm Alysha! I'm starting this blog because I have thoughts and photos I want to share with all of you. I want you to know that everything I'm going to put here is 100% me. Every single bit. This blog shall be like my diary or journal or something. A diary/journal/orsomething which everyone and anyone can read.

Also, I forget, just like every other human. Thing is, I don't want to forget. I want to remember everything. All the memories, the good and the bad. Because, it is the good and bad that make us who we are. For me, forgetting what we have done/what we have experienced is equivalent to forgetting bits of who we are.  So, I'll document everything here. And I'll never forget who I am (or, in 30 years time, who I used to be.)

 I want to be able to look back on this blog when I'm 20 or 80, and think, "I can't believe I used to think that way,"  So cross your fingers that the internet will still be used in 5/65 years time.

Hopefully, this is all the introduction this blog needs. Hopefully.

I hope you stay.

hopehopehopedyhope.

alysha.