tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6996190937139284232024-03-19T02:30:35.540-07:00A MESSAGE TO THE SQUIRRELS AT MILE END PARKAlyshahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16536763311349201164noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699619093713928423.post-69269387398817476762022-11-30T07:41:00.001-08:002022-11-30T07:41:33.313-08:00I saw my first shooting star and it got me thinking<p>Stars are fusion factories held together by their own gravity. They are born by fusing hydrogen to helium, and then they keep going on and on, fusing heavier and heavier elements until they're fusing the heaviest of stuff. Eventually, they exhaust their fuel and collapse under their own weight, blowing off their outer layers, showering the galaxy with all these random elements. <br /><br />Some of which are eventually used to create life.</p><div>I saw a shooting star recently. It got me thinking about love. </div><div><br /></div><div>How do you place that feeling when you look across a room and feel instantly drawn to someone? How do you characterise that feeling you get when you are on a date and you're showered with wave of calm but somehow also excitement? That knowing when you look into their eyes and feel like you're about to embark on an adventure, whilst simultaneously returning home. Where do you feel love?</div><div><br /></div><div>Love feels like the colour blue. A wash of calm in the middle of my ribcage. It's awfully close to where I feel anxiety (a heavy, burnt orange hurricane in the middle of my chest). Impossible to feel one without the other, but I really hope one day that changes. </div><div><br /></div><div><div>I saw a shooting star recently. It got me thinking about love. </div><div><br /></div></div><div>The amazing thing is that every atom in our bodies came from a star that exploded. We are all stardust. Our elemental makeup - the carbon, nitrogen, oxygen, iron, and whatever the fuck else was needed for our evolution - was not created at the beginning of time. It was forged in the nuclear furnaces of stars who were kind enough to explode so now we get to be here. And eat mangoes. And drink wine. And try our best to be really really lovely to each other. (though god knows I've failed miserably at times).</div><div><br /></div><div>Love is stardust. <br /><br />It feels like magic. <br /><br />And it makes this whole world feels like magic.</div><div><br /></div><div>There's magic inside every stone. every flower. every bird. every spider. every frog. every piece of slightly burnt pancake your overworked mum makes you. </div><div><br /></div><div>There's a magic in the trees. the sand. the hills. the rivers. the rocks.</div><div><br /></div><div>It's hidden the sea, in the wind, in the laughter of your favourite people.</div><div><br /></div>Love is stardust - a deep, wild magic that's as old as this universe itself.<div><br /></div><div>I felt that magic most when you used to look at me and I got to look back at you, and the world felt beating and still at the same time. </div><div><br /></div><div>I want to thank you for showing me a love that made me so happy it made my heart burst like the stars do in the end. A love that felt like it could light up the whole universe. A love so wonderful that as I watched stardust falling from the sky, I forgot how much life used to hurt. Even if just for a second. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Alyshahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16536763311349201164noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699619093713928423.post-33220663451976338232022-06-30T03:01:00.001-07:002022-07-11T06:30:56.297-07:00I felt it when<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: right;"><span style="text-align: left;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: right;"><span style="text-align: left;">Lorde said </span><i style="text-align: left;">I’ve never felt more alone, it feels so scary getting old.</i></div><p style="text-align: right;">Keane said <i>I’m getting old, I need someone to rely on.</i></p><div style="text-align: right;">Pixies said y<i>our head will collapse if there's nothing in it and you'll ask yourself, where is my mind?</i></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Both my dogs are now dead. I miss them so much.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">I miss my best friend who is no longer my best friend. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: center;"><i>i think a lot about how i didn't have a voice </i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><br /></i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>and i think a lot about how instead of shattering my silence</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><br /></i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>you grew around it, so seamlessly</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><br /></i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>i was wilting and you didn't care</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><br /></i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><br /></i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><br /></i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><br /></i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>what are we?</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><br /></i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><br /></i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>two friendly strangers living next to each other?</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><br /></i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>two heartbeats connected by nothing but the fact that we are both here. right now. we exist together. but so separately </i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><br /></i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>in a house that sometimes feels more like a dumping ground for all the things we've mindlessly collected over the past 5 years. </i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><br /></i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>the skeleton of a home </i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><br /></i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><br /></i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><br /></i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>i'm so fucking angry at you</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><br /></i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>i hate that i can't voice it and i hate how much i've cried over this and i hate that i still have so much love for you and i hate that i allow people to mistreat me and all i know to do is to offer my dilapidated heart and say please let me keep loving you anyways i really fucking hate it</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><br /></i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><br /></i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><br /></i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>i hate that you stayed friends with my rapist</i></div><div><br /></div></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">I spend my 25th birthday with canceled plans. Window shades down. Hungover. Crying in my room. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">I try my best to contain what feels like a thunderstorm. In between sleep and wake, I utter a prayer to the universe. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><div><i>could you please, god, please be gentle with me. i know the world is breaking. i know people have and will face <u>far more than i ever can fathom</u>. i ask you, with so much privilege, to please be gentle with me anyways. </i></div><div><br /></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: right;">I spent the earlier part of 2022 in Malaysia. In the Penang heat, I watched ice cream melt into the pavement. There was something hypnotic about the dissolve. How seamlessly it softened into the ground. How safe it must feel, to relax into something so harmoniously. I was jealous.</div><div><div style="text-align: right;"><br /></div></div></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">I wake to the beating sound of my heart. My chest hurts. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Grief is hard to go through alone. It's tainted my life in a way that I experience the present like a memory. An echo of reality. I feel like I'm constantly reaching out for something I can't quite name, but I'll know it when I feel it. </div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Despite it all, though, I know I can manage. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><u>A reminder to self: <br /></u><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><i>Perish the pain. Stare into the light for as long as you can manage. Stare into long, long nights. Take in the last breath of May. Elastic. Temperamental. Fleeting, like everything else in life. Howling and still. </i></div><div style="text-align: left;"><i><br /></i></div><div style="text-align: left;"><i>Then dust off your smile. </i></div><div style="text-align: left;"><i><br /></i></div><div style="text-align: left;"><i><br /></i></div><div style="text-align: center;">At the end of the day, the heart is a muscle. Pain means you're using it. </div><div style="text-align: center;">You're alive.</div><div style="text-align: center;"> </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: left;">X, </div><div style="text-align: left;">alysha. now 25. always still learning.</div></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div> </div></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Alyshahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16536763311349201164noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699619093713928423.post-77415373443460423932020-03-31T12:35:00.001-07:002020-04-02T09:57:25.722-07:00Masters and life innit<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Hi squirrels!<br />
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Here's a fun bit of trivia - some Americans pronounce squirrels "squirrls". That really shit fucks me up (in a good way). Is that what a word is meant to sound like? They also call sidewalks <i>pavements </i>and spell colour without the U (although apparently this was because of a marketing thing - back in the good ol' days when companies used to post ads in the newspapers they used to get charged by the letter, so marketing execs. got the U in colour to fuck off to save $$$. Or maybe just $, it was only 1 letter after all.) ((This fun fact is sponsored by my year 9 history teacher, Mr. Stock))</div>
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Anyways, recently I've been exposed to a lot more Americans. Actually, recently I've been exposed to a lot more people in general...that's right ladies, gents, non-binary ppl, & government agent monitoring me: I've started my masters! WOOOOOO.</div>
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There are many things to consider when on the topic of my masters, so for your (a.k.a future Alysha reading this because - let's face it - no one reads this blog) convenience, I've decided to make an F.A.Q!</div>
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1. What is your MA in?</div>
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Producing for film and tv</div>
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2. How's it going so far?</div>
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Everyone is very smart and has incredible film && industry knowledge. Meanwhile my claim to fame was starring in my y12 Macbeth production where my only line was "Macbeth." So it's going FAB.</div>
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3. How are the people?</div>
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They are amazing and very smart and most of them older than me. Very international - most of them are American. Some of them are European. 3 of us are Asian. It's almost like a smaller scale representation of Hollywood. </div>
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4. Do you want to be a producer?</div>
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I want to make money doing something that isn't an amazon commercial, yes.</div>
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5. So you've given up on acting?</div>
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No, I've actually just signed to a new agent! And my course is only 2 days a week so that leaves the other five days for me to do actor-y things like stroking my own ego, constantly seeking validation from my friends and foes, crying at the insecurity that permeates my very being, and furiously masturbating to the thought of myself winning an Oscar. Oh and I got new headshots. </div>
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6....how's your mental health?</div>
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Not to be dramatic but sometimes in class I have moments of complete derealisation/ depersonalisation and I feel like nothing is real and this reality is all a dream and I'm not real either and this whole life is just happening in my head. Most times I think about my lunch and how good it's gonna taste. </div>
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7. Are you enjoying your course?</div>
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It's very challenging and makes me feel incredibly driven. I've not yet gotten the hang of it but I've already learnt a lot!</div>
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8. Are you enjoying your life?</div>
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Honestly, this is the most I've been enjoying it in a year. </div>
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9. Are you happy?</div>
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Yes. </div>
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10. Isn't it kinda self obsessed / narcissistic to give yourself a fake interview/FAQ thing?</div>
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Yeah lol it's okay though I feel like future me is gonna have a LAFF reading this.</div>
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Okay jokes aside, I'm quite content with life at the moment. I've been going to industry workshops in Egham and I've learnt so much about sets!! And setting up sets!!! And when you turn on a light it's called STRIKING!!!! Also the fuzzy thing on a mic is called a dead cat. I'm not too happy about that one. I think FUZZY would have been a better name. Or FUZZBALL. Probably not fuzzball on second thoughts.</div>
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Mood check: I feel very happy when I'm working or learning. For the first time in awhile, I don't feel stagnant. I feel driven and motivated. Amazing the difference a year can make, eh? I think back to my headspace last year and I'm so much better now.</div>
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*** This post was written on Nov 15th 2019. </div>
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Alyshahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16536763311349201164noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699619093713928423.post-18787704885186316152016-05-08T03:48:00.002-07:002016-05-08T04:37:34.913-07:00Why I want to have Wes Anderson's babies<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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I mean, if he wasn’t already dating Juman Malouf, I totally would</div>
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There are many reasons as to why I think Wes Anderson is the Jesus of modern day cinema. I reckon I can easily write a 10,000 word essay on how Wes Anderson films are so visually stunning they make me want to lie down and cry for 3 days, but I’ll probably save that for another day.</div>
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So as we know, Wes Anderson films aren’t just notorious for their bright colours *cough* The Grand Budapest Hotel *cough*, but they also encompass a quirky sense of order. Things are centered, squared, and balanced. It’s fairly safe to say that symmetry comes naturally to his style. When watching his films, one might notice that every shot resembles an illustrated page of a book. I mean, every scene is perfectly focalised and positioned with such stunning consistency, which probably can only be pulled off by an eminently dexterous superhuman or God himself/herself (I believe in equality).</div>
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So this extremely adept asshole employs the coupling of handsomely coloured scenes with an unmistakable emphasis on equilibrium, which stylistically epitomises a real life picture box in the best way possible. Anderson’s inherent love of symmetry is evident in all of his shot compositions. Elements of this can be noted in all of his early films, and this initial obsession has -cut to present- unquestionably flourished into a full-blown mania. I mean, you damn well know that this guy can’t thwart the cold embrace of bilateral prop and character arrangement. In fact, this is fairly apparent in Bottle Rocket and Rushmore, and has progressively become more and more prevalent as Anderson’s inhuman filmmaking prowess blossoms more and more each day. (Can you tell how in love with him I am?)</div>
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To illustrate my point, I found a video by filmmaker<span style="color: yellow;"> <strong><a href="http://vimeo.com/Kogonada" rel="author">Kogonada</a></strong>,</span> who put together a supercut of nearly 100 scenes from Anderson’s films, and edited in a dotted line down the middle of the screen to show how Anderson has framed everything symmetrically. You can clearly see how half the shots Anderson uses are roughly symmetrical, and the rest that aren't have a symmetrical central point. I love the balance that he incorporates in every still (i.e. if a character or piece of furniture is on the left, there's another character/piece of furniture on the right) He rarely shoots at an oblique: everything's almost entirely at a 90 or 45-degree angle, which pulls beautifully together stylistically.
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And if this isn't reason enough to want to bare a middle aged Texan's child, then I really don't know what is.<br />
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Alyshahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16536763311349201164noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699619093713928423.post-2878324306930263512013-08-20T04:12:00.000-07:002015-11-20T23:14:18.105-08:00What I take away from all of this<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">R</span><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">emember warm weather and that particularly long road trip
to Jennie’s beach house? We were all cooped up in the back of my Chrysler watching
Silence of the Lambs, making jokes to take away from the seriousness and
suspense of the film. It was bright that day, sun beams flickering through the window and sunshine spilt out all around us. We were all smiles and laughs and "oh don't go down in that basement alone you stupid bitch!" and I'd hate to remember it any other way.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Or perhaps you might remember going to Rockwell’s cinema
together every Friday back in year 9. I think we called it our “Friday Night
Tradition” or something. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">I’ve always liked the idea behind Cinemas. A group of
people sitting in a room, laughing and crying at a movie together. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">The comfort
of strangers. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">And to this day, the smell of freshly buttered popcorn and
overpriced coke is still my favourite. Because it reminds me of the time we had
to lie about my age so that I could be allowed in to watch American Virgin, and
that time Helena had to buy new shorts because she saw someone from our school
(I still don’t get it). And let’s not forget that time we watched the Last Exorcism
only to realise what a horrible mistake we’ve made 4 minutes into the movie. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">But really, because it reminds me of all of us, together,
and how we just started out as a bunch of strangers.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Thanks for giving me so much to remember. </span></div>
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Alyshahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16536763311349201164noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699619093713928423.post-39150285238614070102013-02-19T03:28:00.000-08:002015-11-22T02:10:49.516-08:00Flashing lights and loud music. <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; text-align: left;">My friends and I recently went to a bigfish event & I'm quite impressed that I managed to actually take some decent shots of the night. *Pats self on back* </span><span style="font-family: 'courier new', courier, monospace; text-align: left;">The effects on the photos came out pretty cool as well, if I do say so myself. I only needed to edit them a bit. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; text-align: left;">Contemplating on getting these developed. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="text-align: left;">On a side note, it was such a fun night. </span><span style="text-align: left;">Well, the parts I remember were fun anyway. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">-alysha.</span></div>
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Alyshahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16536763311349201164noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699619093713928423.post-16487540644016049492012-12-21T03:33:00.003-08:002021-06-10T12:56:44.225-07:00Snow Patrol Photo Diary<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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In short, this is what happened. Kinda:<br />
<br />
So, I get a message from my friend saying, "Come to the Snow Patrol concert"<br />
And I say, "No,"<br />
And he says, "Such a killjoy. Why not?"<br />
And I say, "I'm broke,"<br />
And then, the next morning, I get a message saying,<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
"I got you a ticket. Oh, and I'm on my way to pick you up,"<br />
<br />
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Ok, so I may have shortened the story to make it seem more dramatic...</div>
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Back when I had red hair.<br />
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<br />
I really did have fun with both my friends. Except, I now owe one of them 5000. He said I don't have to pay him back, but, I mean, c'mon.<br />
<br />
(hehe i love you brandt)<br />
-alysha</div>
Alyshahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16536763311349201164noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699619093713928423.post-16725457306305506912012-09-25T03:28:00.005-07:002022-03-30T09:57:06.305-07:00The real reason why I can't sleep.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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I tell people its because of school work or because of tests and that I have to stay up late. Really, its because I just can't.<br />
<br />
I love those long minutes when I am alone with nothing but my pillow. There is nothing to disrupt my chain of though.<br />
<br />
So I think. A lot.<br />
<br />
Sometimes, I think about life. Sometimes, I think about God. Sometimes, I think about who I want to be. And sometimes, I think about ferrets. As you can see, it varies a lot.<br />
<br />
I think too much. I can't help it.<br />
My room is so still, so quiet. And my mind is so loud.<br />
<br />I hate it, a bit. All the thinking brings up things that I'd rather not think about. And its weird, because once I start thinking, I just can't stop.<br />
<br />
<br />
I don't want to get into it though. That'll mean I'll have to think about it, and like I said, once I start, I can't stop.<br />
<br />
Kinda like alcohol to an alcoholic who has just relapsed.<br />
<br />
Such a bad analogy.<br />
<br />
Am I even making sense? Its really late guys, excuse my stoner mind. I'll go back to counting stars now, and waiting to fall asleep.<br />
<br />
This definitely is a weird post.<br />
<br />
<br />
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<br />
love, and love again,<br />
alysha.<br />
<br />
<br />
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Alyshahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16536763311349201164noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699619093713928423.post-62623308768378117952012-09-11T02:57:00.002-07:002022-03-30T09:55:08.234-07:00I really should be studying. <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<br />
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<span lang="EN-US">So recently, I have been experimenting with
black and white photography, which I never really used to like. I don’t know, I
guess I just want to try out something new. Here are some of the pictures I
have taken. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Anyway, my friend Maxine found out about
this blog a few days back. (She found it by googling my name, which isn’t at
all creepy) And I was trying to keep this site a secret! So thanks Maxine. Thanks
a lot. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I can't write much now because I have a psychology and chemistry test tomorrow. As you can see, I've made great use of my time by writing out this post! </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">love, and love again,</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
alysha</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<!--EndFragment--></div>
Alyshahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16536763311349201164noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699619093713928423.post-53222200115822250952012-09-04T08:07:00.000-07:002015-11-20T22:16:46.136-08:00Future<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">So I have been very busy with school lately. Apart from the colossal
amount of schoolwork and projects, I went crazy and signed up for 3
extra-curriculars, not counting Drama. Lets just say it’s all very hectic for
me right now. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">So anyways, today in art, me and my friend Kathy were talking about our future. About what we wanted to do. Who we wanted to be. Where we wanted to go. It was all good fun, planning out the rest of our lives at the back of our sunlit art room, where we have this huge table all to ourselves. I was talking to her about a Drama school that I wanted to attend and what I was taking for my A-Levels. And she was talking to me about her animation course and the university she was going to next year. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span lang="EN-US">We're both 15. And we are so sure about what we want to do. But at the same time, we aren't. And that is what confuses me so much. There are too many things </span>that we don't know about ourselves, too many things that are left undecided. And yet, we are all still expected to step out of our nests and grow up. Its all just happening too fast for me. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Because, secretly, I don't want to go to University or New York. And I don't to take my A-levels. And I don't want to take film acting and photojournalism. I just want to stay in the present, and never leave. The future is foggy and hazy. Everything is so ambiguous, so unknown. Whereas in the present, I am sitting on a table overlooking my garden. When I look out, I see the bright summer's sun, sending beams of light that flicker and bounce off the roof of my neighbour's house. There are birds chirping away <span style="text-align: left;">cheerfully. And both my dogs are outside, resting away by the shade. Their eyes are full of sleep as they lightly doze off. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; text-align: left;">I hope you can understand why this is so hard and confusing. Right now, I live in the Philippines. Everything is warm and wonderful, which is why it is so difficult to leave. I don't know what will happen in 5 years time. Whether I'll be in University or working as an actor or homeless. I want to know, but I'll never be able to find out unless I actually live through the next five years (which is what I see now as 'the future'). And that's the scary part. </span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"></span><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; text-align: left;">But at the same time, I am so so excited. </span></span></div>
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</span>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="text-align: left;">All I know is.</span></span></div>
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</span>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; text-align: left;">I'm going to make the most out of my life. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; text-align: left;">I'm going to be an actor.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; text-align: left;">I'm going to help people to the best of my ability.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; text-align: left;">I'm going to make a positive impact.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; text-align: left;">I'm going to accomplish amazing things. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; text-align: left;">I'm going to be happy.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; text-align: left;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; text-align: left;">Hopefully this all makes sense. Because I don't even know anymore. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; text-align: left;">love, </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; text-align: left;">alysha</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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Alyshahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16536763311349201164noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699619093713928423.post-5792317238878415292012-08-26T01:43:00.001-07:002021-06-10T12:56:07.437-07:00Scotland, and I'm not dead. Yet. <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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I had spent the previous summer in Scotland. It is seriously one of the most beautiful places in the world. I probably wouldn't be able to live there though. Its freezing, even during the summer! Anyway, I hope you all enjoy the pictures. These were taken before I got really into photography. I only edited two of them, the rest are all 'naturals'.<br />
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I'm not going to write a lot or explain anything, because I want the pictures to speak for themselves. Hopefully, they will.<br />
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And I'm sorry I haven't been posting a lot lately. School has just started, and I'm doing my GCSE's this year, which is very important. I want to do well. Althought I'm not quite sure what good doing well would bring. But when I find out, I'll be sure to let you all know.<br />
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Love, and love again.<br />
alysha.<br />
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Alyshahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16536763311349201164noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699619093713928423.post-43391681628277078572012-07-18T03:41:00.000-07:002021-06-10T12:55:35.142-07:00Malaysia<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Hello everyone! I just came back from Malaysia earlier today. I figured I'd better post the pictures here before my lazy side gets the better of me.<br />
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I told my brother to look annoyed and angry. He ended up looking somewhat sad instead.<br />
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Strangers.<br />
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A random street.<br />
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Amusement park ride. I quite like the vibrant colors.<br />
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Genting Highlands.<br />
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That one ride I was too afraid to try.<br />
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The view from my aunt's apartment.<br />
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The devil stare.<br />
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My crazy little cousin. Although we don't even look related (I look nothing chinese)<br />
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The streets of Penang. Having a heated argument with my brother whilst enjoying the sunset.<br />
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Another beautiful sunset.<br />
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My fingers.<br />
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Me dancing in a dark room.<br />
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Malaysia is where I grew up, hence making this trip quite the stroll down memory lane. For the first few days, I was plastered to the window of the car, going, "Oh, I remember that restaurant!" and "I remember when I used to pass this street everyday!" It felt good to fall back into the familiar sights and sounds of my country. It was like finally being able to fall asleep back in your own bed after a long holiday somewhere. Sometimes (mostly when I'm eating the local food), I'd wonder why I was so happy when I left 3 years ago. There were so many things I missed!<br />
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But in my melancholy haze, full of nostalgia and childhood memories, something was wrong. Not everything was as it was. Things had changed while I was gone. Suddenly, I could no longer walk confidently in the streets anymore. I started to feel a little lost. Even when I was younger, I used to feel a bit like a tourist in my own country. Now, I felt it more than ever. I went back to my old house which I grew up in. It didn't feel like home any more. Home wasn't the cottage-like house, crumbling and breaking apart bit by bit. Old paint fading away into the walls, vines and creepers clasping onto the roof. That wasn't home. Home was the modern suburban house with a well manicured lawn, large trees, and a pool in the backyard. My old house looked a bit like a shed, it did not gleam of life like it used to. It was being neglected.<br />
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That got me upset for a bit. I realized how much things had changed. Some for the better, some for the worse. But deep down inside, I knew the change would come. There was no denying it.<br />
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The during the final days of my visit, I grew weary. I felt pretty content when I finally took the taxi back to the airport at 3am. My flight was slightly delayed, but I couldn't care less. When I finally reached home, I fell into a hot bath with a cup of hot chocolate, and my favorite book. I later decided to have a look through the pictures I took (there weren't that many), and before I knew it, I was typing out the content of this post.<br />
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So there we are.<br />
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Much love,<br />
Alysha. </div>
Alyshahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16536763311349201164noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699619093713928423.post-61255758348458048152012-06-30T02:07:00.002-07:002021-06-10T12:53:01.801-07:00Something about Night.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Pictures from my first film. Shot all of this at night. Got Nicole to model for me, which was amazing.<br />
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<br />
Night is weird. It is forgotten by people who live for day, and long await the stretch of darkness to be melted away by the rising sun. Seeing a soft blue, pink and orange in the sky, a sign that the blackness of nightfall has come to an end. People no longer have to hide in the comfort of their homes. They seize the day, and forget about night.<br />
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Night must be lonely.<br />
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It is weird. It is weird that something as abstract as night could provoke so many fears, so many thoughts. People fear night itself, rather than what lurks in the night. (let your imagination run)<br />
I used to fear night. It was only during the nighttime, when fear would crawl inside my head, and submerge itself into my subconscious. I laid ever so still in my little bed, jumping at every creek and crackle our old house made. It was only when I was 12, did I realize that the monsters did not lurk in the nighttime. They lurked in our heads, and lived inside of us, rather than in our closets.<br />
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Now, night and I are friends. I sit on my roof with a journal in my hands, documenting all the adventures night and I have had. When it rains, I make a cup of hot chocolate, sit out in my porch, and listen to the rhythm of the falling rain, like it is a song. (It actually is! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gmF_bG5IVnM )<br />
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I feel the most inspired when it is night. </div>
Alyshahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16536763311349201164noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699619093713928423.post-19773241220632209222012-06-25T09:22:00.001-07:002021-06-10T12:54:31.078-07:00New Zealand/Introduction<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<br />
So I went on a school trip to New Zealand a couple months back. Even so, I remember it all like it was yesterday.<br />
<br />
<u>WHAT I REMEMBER:</u><br />
<br />
<br />
<ol style="text-align: left;">
<li>I remember waking up to the monotonous rings of the hotel phone; our wake up call. Each day, a new adventure, a new escapade. I loved the thrill of traveling, getting lost, finding.</li>
<li>I remember walking down the streets in Auckland, camera in hand, trying to document everything I saw. Its quite weird, actually. Looking back at these pictures, I feel as though I am experiencing all the sights, sounds, smells again, in a far less vivid way. Like I'm dreaming or something. I feel this way about all photos, not just the ones taken by me. Its a different kind of magic, photography. I was always very enthralled by it, ever since I could remember.</li>
<li>I remember laughing with people I'd just met. </li>
<li>I remember tearing up slightly in a cave filled with glowworms. Partly because it was freezing and I tend to tear up when I am cold, but also partly because I felt very fortunate to be in that cave. It was so so beautiful, with glowworms shining, and us being able to see our breath fog up infront of us. I plan on returning soon.</li>
<li>I remember walking around the set of Lord of The Rings, and thinking to myself, "<i>I never want to forget this, ever,"</i></li>
</ol>
<div>
But what I most vividly remember,</div>
<div>
<ul style="text-align: left;">
<li> I remember being happy. Not the kind of happy that goes away after awhile, but the kind of that stays with you, from the moment you wake up, till the moment you go to sleep. The real kind of happy. </li>
</ul>
</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<br />
<br />
I hope you all enjoy these photos as much as I've enjoyed taking them.<br />
<br />
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Oh, by the way, I forgot to mention, I'm Alysha! I'm starting this blog because I have thoughts and photos I want to share with all of you. I want you to know that everything I'm going to put here is 100% me. Every single bit. This blog shall be like my diary or journal or something. A diary/journal/orsomething which everyone and anyone can read.<br />
<br />
Also, I forget, just like every other human. Thing is, I don't want to forget. I want to remember everything. All the memories, the good and the bad. Because, it is the good and bad that make us who we are. For me, forgetting what we have done/what we have experienced is equivalent to forgetting bits of who we are. So, I'll document everything here. And I'll never forget who I am (or, in 30 years time, who I used to be.)<br />
<br />
I want to be able to look back on this blog when I'm 20 or 80, and think, "<i>I can't believe I used to think that way," </i>So cross your fingers that the internet will still be used in 5/65 years time.<br />
<br />
Hopefully, this is all the introduction this blog needs. Hopefully.<br />
<br />
I hope you stay.<br />
<br />
hopehopehopedyhope.<br />
<br />
alysha.<br />
<i><br /></i>
<i><br /></i>
<br />
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Alyshahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16536763311349201164noreply@blogger.com4